The Tao of Blogging

9 04 2005

From DailyKos:

As a public service to the mainstream media, I’d like to present some handy talking points, clever similes, and general whatnots suitable for inclusion in your mainstream media pieces about the astounding and wondrous wondrousness of blogs. Here we go:

  • Blogs are as numerous as pebbles on a beach. If a blogger is particularly sharp, their blog might embed itself into your consciousness. If a pebble is particularly sharp, it might embed itself into the sole of your foot. Then magic dolphins will come to save you, and you will learn lessons about stuff.

  • Blogs are like racehorses. Some are fast, some aren’t. Some are heavily drugged. The best ones know instinctively to always turn left.

  • Some prostitutes pretend to be journalists. Some journalists pretend to be prostitutes. Some bloggers laugh their asses off watching the general media trying to figure out the difference.

  • Having a blog without comments is like operating a chainsaw while wearing proper eye protection. Sure, you can do it, but it makes you a sissy.
  • A blog is like a friendly neighborhood bar where everybody knows your name. Except they only know your fake name, not your real one. So it’s like a singles bar. Except nobody knows what sex you are, unless you tell them. And you might be lying. Then Cliff gets drunk and kills a guy.
  • The original political blogger was Atrios. Or maybe it was someone else, who cares. Atrios was later revealed to be Sidney Blumenthal.

  • Political blogging requires only two things: finding interesting stories, and having opinions about those stories. If your name is Glenn Reynolds, however, you can frequently outsource both parts.

  • If Mark Twain was living today, he’d be a blogger. If Henry David Thoreau was living today, he’d be a blogger. If Jesus was living today, he’d have the best Internet connectivity of anyone, and his site wouldn’t have any popup ads for mortgage refinancing.

  • In the future, journalists will be replaced by bloggers. Bloggers will be replaced by journalists. Fox News will be replaced by a 200-foot-high granite monument of George Bush holding the Ten Commandments, which will be rocket-propelled and capable of firing 5000 armor-piercing rounds per minute. Sean Hannity will drive it around America drunkenly crushing all that oppose him.

  • My name is David Brooks, and I am fascinated with my newly discovered slice of America in which people do their own laundry. Do blue-state bloggers know this is happening?

  • The primary difference between liberal and conservative blogs can be summed up in one word. Unfortunately, only liberals know how to spell it.

  • Some blogs call themselves political. Some blogs call themselves personal. The sum of two squares is called Crossfire.

  • Some blogs are powerful, media-shaking tools for factchecking slanted journalism. These blogs are called Powerline, and the facts are whatever Hindrocket says they are you stupid liberals plotting against me with your sneaky memos and telephoto lenses and I hate you all.
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