Baby Jesus told me 2 + 2 = 5

26 09 2006

The dribbling fucklord killjoy brigade that wants to dictate to everyone else what they can and can’t do with their own bodies is opening up a new front in the culture wars: contraception.

Emboldened by the anti-abortion movement’s success in restricting access to abortion, an increasingly vocal group of Christian conservatives is arguing that it’s time to mount a concerted attack on contraception.

Their voices were raised in Rosemont on Friday and Saturday at an unusual anti-abortion meeting that drew 250 people from around the nation to condemn artificial birth control. Experts at the gathering assailed contraception on the grounds that it devalues children, harms relationships between men and women, promotes sexual promiscuity and leads to falling birth rates, among social ills.

And how’s this for a copybook example of Jesus Math?

“It’s always been a touchy subject, but you have to stand strong on your beliefs. Contraception is the root cause of the explosion of the amount of abortions in the world,” Mazur said.

Right. Global warming increases in inverse proportion to the number of pirates in the world, and abortions increase in direct proportion to the availability of contraception.

More at Dispatches From the Culture Wars.

UPDATE: Speaking of dribbling fucklords and pirates and such, I just saw this in the hate mail section of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster:

Fuck you Bobby and I mean that.

I am 165 pounds of pure hell if I wanna be.

This is how you relate to people of God?

Kill something you don’t understand?

FUCK YOU

and all your kind.

You want Armegeddon?

Are you fucking nuts?

I asked God for an earthquake in Montrose, Pa and got it.

Think I am faking? Ask Pete Rose of the Montrose Inn.

ASSHOLE

You would be wise to read that Bible and find out God is also pissed and is going to send disasters to the unbelievers.


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