I recall stumbling across the Sex In Christ website a few years ago. It’s really hard to ascertain whether this is a parody site or not, but it purports to mount (if you’ll pardon my choice of words) a case for a Christian pornography. Just about anything you can think of is kosher with this outfit as long as it transpires within the context of a “Biblical marriage”, including masturbation (as long as you keep some wet ones handy for the post-coital jizzmopping), oral sex (“His Fruit Was Sweet To My Taste”), Viagra (“He will also keep you firm to the end”), BDSM (“You must go back to your mistress and submit to her mistreatment”), fisting (“My love thrust his hand through the opening”), brazilian waxing (“Believe and be shaved”) and anal sex. Why anal sex?
Are you saving yourself for your wedding night? The Devil wants you to fail, that’s why he puts stumbling blocks in your way. But God wants you to succeed, and that’s why he has given us an alternative to intercourse before marriage: anal sex. Through anal sex, you can satisfy your body’s needs, while you avoid the risk of unwanted pregnancy and still keep yourself pure for marriage.
There it is, brothers and sisters: a Christian defence of saddlebacking.
Has to be a parody, right? I’m inclined to suspect so, though the phenomenon of teens taking virginity pledges and then engaging in anal sex as a kind of loophole (again, apologies for the choice of words) is certainly no parody.
Virginity pledges don’t do the job, says new study (Medill Reports)
Taking the Pledge(CBS)
How accurate is Dan Savage’s defintion of Saddlebacking?(Washington City Paper)
P.S. Akismet’s going to have it’s work cut out for it with this post, eh?